Stranger in a strange land - Sherilyn George-Clinton, Writer

. . .

There's this sound that's a mix-up of "pssst" (like "come here, I got a secret") and "muah " (the kissing sound) that people use to get your attention. Those are two sounds I've spent my entire life ignoring, and people everywhere -- on the street or in the house -- use it instead of "Hey" or "Excuse me."  Maybe folks will think I'm hard of hearing, and not that I'm rude.

And then there's the head-turn/eye-roll/hand-wave thing that I read as "Get out of my face, idiot" that actually means something more like "That's something to think about," or "Wow." 

It's  bad enough when I can't get the nuances of the British English plus the accents, but I'm totally failing the non-verbals.

I've noticed that a man approaching a mixed group will address the men first, then the women. And at the golf club, that man did not appreciate when I stood to shake his hand.  So I sit back and smile and wait to see if a handshake is offered.  Or a both-cheek kiss.

There are instances where I'd think I should say "No" and I'm supposed to ignore folks; instances where I'd think I should make eye contact when that is the worst possible thing to do; mistakes I may have made for which I should not even hypothetically apologize.

They say "Sorry" when you cough and "God bless you" when they see you and "You're welcome" when you haven't thanked them.  

I embody incorrectness.  I am a walking faux pas.   A non-curtsying, hand-shaking, African American goober. 

I wanna say "Yeah well, I'm quite the skilled communicator in real life.  I make a good living interpreting the tiniest minutiae of micro-communication. For real. You should see me in the States."